Why You Need A Parenthood Purpose

Many people drift into becoming parents. They often don’t think too hard about it.

They assume that it’s what they want, because society conditions us to think it’s the ‘natural’ thing to do. But the question of whether or not to become a parent deserves more thought than that. Here’s why.

In summary, figuring out your parenthood purpose is a good idea, because it will bring you:

• Clarity in decision-making
• Enhanced self-awareness
• Better goal-setting
• Strengthened relationships
• A chance to solve problems
• Resilience in the face of challenges as a parent

Knowing your parenthood purpose makes decisions easier

A deep and clear understanding of your personal reasons for choosing parenthood will guide you in making informed decisions that align with your core values and aspirations.

You’ll be much more confident to make big decisions when you know why you’re doing it.

Decisions you can make more easily include:

• who should look after your child and what childcare to use
• how to organise your working life to combine it with parenthood
• what to spend your money on, eg whether to buy a home and what mortgage you should take on
• whether to move location or stay where you are

Example: For instance, if a major motivation of mine is to spend time with children, this insight helps me to make key decisions about how much time to take off work (ideally, the more the better), and how to arrange my working life after kids.

Knowing your purpose will make you a ‘better’ parent

When you examine your motivations, you’ll reflect on your own thoughts, feelings and desires. The enhanced level of self-awareness you'll achieve will empower you to become the best version of yourself as a parent.

For instance, if your motivation includes righting the wrongs of your own childhood, knowing this beforehand will mean that you can “do the work” on yourself before you become a parent. As a parent, you will be reminded of your childhood frequently, and this could be a negative trigger for you, but through greater self-awareness, you can work to ensure that your past doesn’t stand in the way of your effective parenting.

With a ‘north star’ to guide you, you’ll be able to set better goals

It’s hard to set yourself goals for your life as a parent if you don’t know why you’re doing it.

And goals are very helpful when going into parenthood. It’s a long game, and if you have set some goals (without putting expectations on yourself that are too high, of course), it helps keep you going in the right direction, with purpose.

For instance, if your motivation includes more love in your life and a certain vision of family life, one of the goals you might set is for a certain amount of family time together.

Knowing exactly why you’re becoming parents will strengthen your relationship

By sharing your motivations with a partner – or with your family – you can enhance your relationships, improve communication, and lay foundations for the future. In particular, knowing why your partner wants to be a parent helps you understand them better and enables you to set agreed goals together that are more likely to meet both sets of needs.  

For instance, if your partner’s motivation includes passing on their wisdom to your child, and this means they are keen to home-school, but if this conflicts with what motivates you about parenthood, you can start discussing different ways of achieving their aim so that both of you are happy.

Thinking about your purpose gives you a chance to solve parenthood problems in advance

Prioritising what matters to you will enable to you to draw out specific actions you can take, to make parenthood a better experience for you, by making it more likely your motivations are respected and fulfilled.

For instance, if your motivation involves feeling closer to your wider family, you might identify that this will only happen if you move closer to your wider family, so you can take action before you become a parent to increase the likelihood that this is one of the outcomes.

Having a clear idea of your motivation increases your resilience as a parent

Parenthood can be demanding, but with the right mindset, you can thrive amidst the demands. Having a clear idea of your original motivation – why you got into this – means you can revisit it when things get hard. This can give you resilience and adaptability, and can stop you blaming your partner for the difficulties you have. It helps you to take individual responsibility for your decision to have children.

For instance, if you drift into parenthood without getting clear on your motivation, it’s easy to tell yourself that you were persuaded into it by your partner – or vice versa, your partner may think you persuaded them. When things get difficult, this is when resentment can simmer and blame can start.

How to figure out your parenthood purpose

Inside The Planning Hub, you'll find the first step is to Define Your Purpose. There's plenty of help in there - including exercises to walk through - to stimulate your thoughts about why you want to become a parent, including the 10 biggest motivations that typically drive people to become parents. 

You’ll learn about how parenthood relates to the meaning of life, why people typically have kids, and I'll even share my own top 3 motivations for becoming a parent.